NEUTROPENIC STRESS alert ...

tastes like: squid/ octopus black ink adobo for dinner. palabok for lunch. mouth taste like cepacol now & bicarb soda for gargling. yuk!

smells like: eucalyptus oil/ dove soap- fr shower this morning/ rochas for men deodorant.

feels like: feverish. wearing flannel jammies.

sounds like: bbc radio one london.

2nd day of bad cold/ sore throat/ sinus headache now. don't want to check temp again in case i have a fever. until yesterday, i forgot about scary fever implications whilst i am on chemo. am supposed to go to hosp emergency for tests as my cancer card says. but am sure if i have a fever, it would be from the flu and nothing worse. don't really want to have to go through the drama of going to hosp again. so i probably won't drop dead just yet. probably my fault for getting a cold, i should have stayed out of the rain like sis said the other night when we were shopping. or maybe i shouldn't have spent so much time reading blogs instead of sleeping.

talking about "faults": a few days ago when i saw my oncologist, she told me it wasn't my fault i was fat. she sensed my discomfort from feeling too fat when i mentioned that my current weight is the heaviest i've ever been. apparently, chemo does this to some people. so at home, whenever i am in the kitchen looking guilty for eating, dad & sis tells me "it's not your fault!!!". such a good excuse for gorging myself.

i should have rested yesterday but felt guilty about my folks getting lost in the outskirts of campbelltown, so i volunteered to navigate. looking at the street map, my parents destination (to attend a wedding) seemed complicated. once we got there, it didn't seem too bad. glad i still have the navigational skills i am so famous for despite my chemo stuffed brain. highlight of yesterday, apart from spending time with my folks, was the surprise of not finding too much yobbos in the league's club . had to stop there for a toilet break but ended up having wood fired pepperoni pizza & a decaf latte. noice!

spent the afternoon wrapping presents. pity i missed out on today's birthday party. pity i missed out on last night's sleaze and phoenix with the red one. last year's sleaze was so much fun starting with the costume planning. black nail polish was so hard to find. this pregnant goth from a leather gear shop was so friendly we forgot how scary she looked. and the gothic look was so convincing we scared the taxi driver until we told him we were to the ball. it really was very funny. we looked ready to kill until we smiled and giggled at ourselves for looking so silly and yet horribly fabulous.