christine gossip from megan

e-mail from megan:

ciao marcus

como esta mi amico!

i miss you a lot my dear. i understand that a lot of things are so trying for you these days and i can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it is but the sweet marcus i know is extremely strong. not many can be man enough to be the person that you are, and that is well before all this cancer drama. i worry that there is nothing i can say to make you feel better but i am hopeful that you enjoy reading my e-mails just as much as i enjoy reading yours.

travelling between milan, sydney and everywhere else in between is not as exciting as it used to be. it is tiring too having to police giancarlo’s flirting but he keeps telling me that i have nothing to worry about. marcus, he can be such a prick sometimes but i just look at him and i fall in love right again. despite all the glamour of the work i do, i really would just rather be back in the old days where i could hang out at tamarama beach and daydream.

the other night, i did something very naughty. i felt so low and a lot of people will definitely discard me from what i have done but i needed it. hypocrites will easily accuse me of sinking too low for my own good. i am sure you remember my weakness. being with christine didn’t help. she sort of encouraged me but as you know, i don’t really need much encouragement when it comes to that. you will laugh at this but right after finishing, i wanted more.

afterwards, me and christine had a very scary one on one. she talks a lot of crap, as you know, but what she confessed was quite scary. it sort of made me understand her a bit more. i know she told me to encourage me with my view of life, to inspire me in a way. it made me feel guilty of how i treat her. she can be difficult at times but in the end of the day, she is no doubt one of the most loving people in this world. she just wants to be loved, like we all do i guess. the reason i am telling you all this is because i am hoping it would be of use to you. she told me she is in a condition that is also considered “terminal”. one thing that keeps her going and where her hopes come from is the drugs that she takes. no wonder she is skinny. i had thought i was sensitive enough with the way i reacted but it is hard to believe that no one else apart from her family know. there is a lot of drama surrounding it and no wonder her mother have had a nervous break down.

what of use is all of this for you? well, christine has been “terminally ill” since atleast 1998. and look at her now? surely there is a lot of problems in her life right but she keeps going and braves the big bad ugly world. you have a much stronger and optimistic personality, so surely if she can do it, you can too!

don’t forget to use the sunscreen i gave you. pink zinc really works for you darling. see you in dj’s soon.

love
megan
xox

north sydney girls high

2 – 4 march

been chatting to DRG and JK a lot via instant message. it was a constant effort to re-focus on business related issues when the thoughts that flowed between my finger tips and keyboard were mainly related to romance, lack of it and the delusions that keep hopeless cupid challenged losers like moi. it was lots of fun though. the object of my affection, stef from HR, kept my office friends laughing and energised despite the annoying fact that we were in the office to make the global companies we work for, continue to generate billion of dollars more than microsoft. at one stage, there were screams in my cubicle as i showed them stef’s office directory profile picture, tiled in my desktop as wallpaper. the boss got into the act as well. she carried on long and hard about her office “to do lists”, and it excluded business related issues. we chatted and gasped about who the “team players” are and the boss got shocked about some who sit and jump “the fence”.

one lunch time, stef was in the kitchen preparing pizza left overs to be heated in the microwave. as i placed my smelly lunch into the machine, in a big butch voice, i politely asked if i was pushing in. stef said “technically, not”. my “okay, cheers” reply was of cool indifference but in actual fact, i had fainted from the arrow cupid had once again struck my heart. with “my funny valentine” by harry cornick jnr playing in the background. my officemates were giggling and supporting me in my hopeless but convincing pre-puberty antics. the day after that, i had kept returning into the area where stef was, ferrying whatever sort of kitchen utensil i could find as an excuse to be get a glance.

i convinced myself and my colleagues that my fantasies were not unfounded. at least more than a year ago, stef and i actually danced with each other in my favourite local tragic bar. it had happened one friday night. i was groovily bopping + flashing my irresistible smile. my charm worked well not only on the cute AC (arabic charmer) i was interested in but whole group of office colleagues. a few days later, as i was rushing into the office foyer, i noticed stef smiling at me, but it took me a very long time to tie it back to that incident. i remember stef’s smile from the time i was dancing with their group. i was sure stef danced with me as an excuse for AC to get nearer me. we exchanged lots of suggestive glances but nothing much happened as i was too cool to make a move. as it got later, i lost their group . from then onwards, i had been wanting to check whether stef lived in the village too. or perhaps stef was just taking overseas program managers and showing the best of sydney. but now a lot of time has passed and it seems silly for me to approach stef and say, “hey, was that you flirting with me the other night (a few years ago) whilst christina aguillera’s dirrrrty music video was playing????” and “by the way, i love you!!!”

to make my stef obsession less tragic, it has to be explained that JK, whose cubicle is right next to mine, has a crush on our office barista. the problem is JK thinks the barista might be batting for the wrong team. and i am not even sure if it was me who gave JK that idea. although JK admits it is just a fantasy/ morning eye candy, the idea that a future lover is from the wrong team/ or a double adaptor (jk’s own words) is an issue. but not an issue that warrants any judgement but more of an information only basis. jk apparently just needs to know so that gender or preference can be filed into a defined category. the cheeky me could not resist to play with jk’s need to this by challenging jk’s way of thinking. i kept suggesting barista is probably a kylie minogue lover. lover of her music, her sexy features or her sexy lingerie range. the degrees of liking each of the above category will or should define barista’s gender/ preference.

bih: // sydneycentral/myer/1/feed/blueshirt/2/jo/vatch/vog/str8?/opendoor/doesthishelp

my best work related achievement for this week would have to getting stef to smile at me as my office colleagues and i were leaving to get lunch. friday night pub drinks revolved around that achievement and my plan to play billy ocean’s “suddenly” as our wedding march. as stef and i exchange vows, minnie ripperton’s “loving you” will be played too.

i have tried to use my cancer an excuse for my behaviour. but actually, i have not felt like this for a very very long time. going gah gah is not really me, i try to convince myself. but the weird thing is, i probably would have gone on this badly about this stef business even if the cancer doesn’t exist. but then again, maybe, i have been acting like this so my office friends can see the marc who has a silly teeny crush. instead of a silly marc who doesn’t know how to move forward with his life with cancer. or the little life that is left because of it. either way, it’s really sad. but who wants to cry about it? i don’t. at the moment, i find it very funny.

school night detention

28 – 29 Feb
the last two films of my festival sessions were not something i would probably want to watch again. love in thougths, a german true to life story was not a winner for many of the cinema goers. one of the loudest remark was it was not a film that fit into the category of the festival. it was basically a sibling rival story. but right afterwards, ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’, rang true. when the film was in the first 20 minutes, as i yawned, i consoled myself by saying that if i found it boring, surely it would be so much more painful for tim. i had only met tim before the movie started but he was there as a friend of a friend invited him. i didn’t see tim as someone who would enjoy a tragic love story, set pre 1935, german language with english subtitles. it is far from a hollywood popcorn movie. i initially assumed, tim’s favourite movie would be something with jim carrey involving fart jokes. or at best, that movie with ryan phillipe as the podium dancer in some druggie heaven dance club set in new york. the friend who took him there apparently met him in a dance/ rave club. i was shocked as tim overheated when he had to explain why he liked it. he said “but you don’t know me outside of the club. you don’t know me! all we ever talked about is conquests and the fact that my attraction to islander beauties is considered as a fetish”. as it turned out later, tim is actually a serious writer. a writer who seems talented and sure of himself. not really what equates to his plan to wear only speedoes at work this coming weeked. he works part time in one of the hip bars in taylor square.

bih: //pavillion/1/recd/blackshirt/badbreath/2/sckd/drunken monkey/Tshirt/3/vatch wia-carribean beanie

the last film of the festival for me was with TRO. a collection of short films. the first one was awfully painful and boring. but the rest was okay. one of the better ones was a multi screen acappella music video of live to tell. it was a bit sad to be the last film of the festival as i had gotten used to the routine of it all. plus, the eye candies and the village buzz were certainly big motivators also.

TRO made a big mistake of joking about a later trip to sydney park as KC turned it into a serious invitation/ request. luckily, i had the option to turn the plan around. we ended up enjoying a school night out. prima facie, manacle is supposedly vanilla free zone. my theory however was well supported. the vibe despite what almost a deliberate and successful attempt for it to look like a dangerous dark and dingy alleyway, was actually more of a pre-pubescent catholic girls high school. it was so funny and a big tick on a to do list for some. i made the initial conviction for our presence there without the knowledge that it was a themed night for skin heads and rubber. but as it got later, we had no option but to stay, grin and bear. and later laugh out lots about it.

buzzzzzy street ... party feeling

worked from home on friday as i had to take an early morning dallas call. by mid afternoon, after a load of laundy, i was on my way to bondi beach. when i got there, it did not fail to keep me entertained and away from depression. with the beautiful day and the way i was feeling, there was no reason for me to complain. it was a hot day so the bus was packed. but the trip was just as enjoyable. on the way there, there was a guy who sang too loud with his ipod in his ears or maybe that was his way of getting “idol” status as he was quite a singer. my ears were thankful and my head was busy telling my voice not to take part as i would have been voted off the bus. via the sydney magazine, i learnt that c1930, five people died on bondi because of unexpected wave surges. tsunamis on bondi. apparently, there would have been more fatalities if the surf club was not as well trained and responsive.

finally got to vacuum on saturday. after all the vacuum cleaner dramas of the past month, last thursday, my 18 month old hoover was upgraded with a trade in value for a werheim navy blue power roller. and thanks to charles, bondi junction westfield parking is now configured in my head. scrubbed the toilet and bathroom mirror like crazy. others would have been grossed out but the obsessive compulsive me sprayed orange concentrate cheerfully, sweaty head band and all. walked to chinatown afterwards to get a haircut. when i came out, i looked round all over. i should have kept the side burns longer. bumped into mum & dad so they decided to not stay longer to visit.

sunday started with two dizzies competing. i was on the goulburn street entrance steps of belvedere when i phoned anthony to come by and meet me. lots of minutes later i called him asking where he was. he was on the goulburn street entrance steps but the facing brisbane street. he walked past behind me and we missed each other. before midday, our party of eight were seated in silver spring yum cha restaurant. buffet yum cha. odd but good value specially if your group contained non yum cha goers. naoki update me with his recent adventures and dramas. the poor boy had been busy shocked by mark’s two diabetes induced comas. it was funny when we talked about it but i knew it would have been quite a drama at the time. naoki learnt that from me i believe, to later laugh off something that was so scary.

the nasty shallow me dismissed eric as he turned up late at yum cha. i even said something nasty to naoki about it but all changed when eric later gave me, alex and charles a lift in his blue topless holden convertible. it was a beautiful ride to paddington through the back streets of surry hills. “so i can see sydney and sydney can see me .... he he he “said charles after promising to upgrade his elantra to an astra convertible. me, am sticking to my dream jeep wrangler.

what better way to spend a sydney sunday afternoon than to sit in an open air lounge/ bar with a live dj drinking mojitos. it was then that we proclaimed H village central to be in party mode. a perfect way to farewell summer although there are no current signs it will be going. i am no way complaining. tried to disco nap afterwards but that failed. by midnight, adam, charles & jericho and moi were bopping in arq. beforehand, adam and i were playing our part to be friendly to overseas guests. but frankie or kobe blue T turned out to be a local. but usually away from sydney as a flight attendant. not another one. he he he.

art vs fart

21 – 27 Feb

why do i love tourists? one morning, i was walking along goulburn street and i was asked for directions to darling harbour by a very friendly looking and attractive young german woman with her husband/ boyfriend. i gave them directions and later waited for them to catch up as we reached the elizabeth street intersection so i can be more detailed with interesting spots along the way. later that day, as i was walking uphill to get back home, i bumped into them again. they looked cheerful and excited to be discovering the beauty of sydney. i chatted with them and gave them suggestions to check out the eat streets around our area. i even gave longrain (the hippest thai restaurant/cocktail bar this side of surry hills) a good plug. as i left them, i felt great and almost hesitant to let them go. i wanted to continue chatting or even hang out with them some more so i can show them why am so proud of my city. but maybe i was helpful only because they were cute and friendly. i would have probably been not as helpful if they were loud annoying americans.

the oscars had global attention but in my world, six movies in a week is definitely over my average. tuesday night, D and i watched ‘sky captain’ starring gwyneth, angelina & jude for $5 at greater union. we had dinner afterwards in an irish pub and my pepper steak went down so well i didn’t have room for dessert. the five other movies i saw this week were in the queer/ arthouse category. part of the MD film festival. the low budget ones were transparently under achieved but the message and intent still worth the tiicket. “everyone” (canadian wedding) was possibly my least favourite. i was probably annoyed as our seating was bad and my tummy was feeling off. it did not help that the actors were ugly. “locked up” was very ironic as it was made by a production company primarily in the porn market. and yet the theme and moral lesson of the story was more cheesy than titanic. the fetish scenes were not welcomed by some but a lot i am sure were mesmerised. anthony thought it was bad but i knew not to take the movie seriously so i enjoyed it. charles deliberately closed his eyes at some sections and held his mouth so he did not throw up. i on the other hand just laughed it off. in “raspberry reich” at the valhalla, i had to close my eyes and not focus as the flashing red screens with black writing loudly came on. if i was epiliectic i probably would have had an attack. the revolutionary and capitalistic messages were lost in a lot of the audience minds whilst the porn scenes were uncomfortable for some. there were a few who walked off. adam loved it. so did atef. mixing porn and art is probably clever but the art is perhaps too much on the fart side. “slutty summer” was annoying for me as it twanged too much with an abnoxious new york accent, actors who could not act, and those who were supposed to be glam were actually from my perspective a bit on the gloom instead. “summer storm” was a crowd favourite. and i would be interested to get it on dvd. the german films this year were certainly notable.

appleworks applesucks

the weekend wasn’t very exciting. from friday night I started to not look forward to using appleworks to help dad with his files. stayed up til late on friday night to finish most of the documents. but by sunday, there was more. i lost my patience more than a couple of times and i hated myself for it. right after screaming, I told myself to stop and be patient. it was stupid of me to assume that a computerphobic 62 year old will easily pick up the concept of microsoft file management and to complicate it even more, appleworks sucks. as if mouse clicking wasn’t hard enough for him. at one time, I wanted to scream – “dad, I have cancer and I am dying and I don’t want to spend my weekend rest time to stuff around with these documents!!!” but luckily, it came out something like, “please understand this is stressing me. you are stressing me!!!”. not sure it sounded better but I hated saying it just the same. I should have been more patient. am sure he wouldn’t have asked me to help him if he knew how unhappy it was making me and what else I have to put up with in my cancer stuffed mind. But he doesn’t need to know that. Plus, when it comes down to it, it really is not a big deal considering what he has done for me. during the afternoon as a big summer storm poured, mum & dad were singing some nursery song as they talked about a school program. I was ready to scream at them as it was so annoying. Instead, I shushed them like a schoolteacher. they found it funny being shushed I’m sure. being educators all their lives, they are probably not used to being shushed.

the weekend wasn’t a total disaster. friday & saturday night I attended two mg film festival screenings. some were really badly made and erred too much on the fart side rather than the art side. after the short films sessions with adam on saturday night, we went to manacle. I didn’t stay long as one vodka lime soda hit me like a 69 tonne truck travelling 200km per hour. prior to the session, a friend asked me to score/ judge a potential lover/ friend. my opinion apparently (as it should – lol) mattered. the french accent was good. but as a package, my answer was a big no. le escargot sounded too judgemental, desperate, negative, catty and smelt like a dirty shower curtain. lol ;-)

bamboodle banana roti

thursday 17 feb 2005 went late night shopping with charles and jay in bondi junction. the boys were looking for a birthday present for jay’s girlfriend. she is turning 18. jay got his credit card from his dad and he probably wanted to give it a work out. they had chinese soup and jay shared gyoza with all of us. i had a big fat beef lasagne. I bought a mambo italiano dvd. remembered watching it first with brad and charles 2 years ago and it was funny. a movie to keep. the highlight of the night was dessert. thai banana roti from bamboodle in westfield bondi juction. and I didn’t even have to run for it. years ago, I chased the roti man on the beach in phuket thailand so I can have the beautiful late night snack. the original thai version is not even a tenth of the cost of the bondi version but jay paid so it was cool.

qwyneth paltrow in france

wednesday 16 feb 2005

couldn’t believe it was time for my port flush again. travel time between office and st vincent’s hospital was 45minutes including the 7 minute walk from kings cross station. my weekly train ticket even covered the fare. as i started to feel all annoyed about going to a hospital again, i switched my brain to imagination mode. i pretended I was elsewhere. as i walked along darlinghurst road kings cross passing through the hip restaurants and some ugly prostitutes, i pretended i was in london. but it wasn’t cold and the sky was so clear and blue. so my mind just pretended i was going to the beach. when i walked into the hospital foyer, i was transported back to england. the set of “sliding doors” movie. i convinced myself gwyneth paltrow was waiting for the lift whilst I walked up the escalator to get to the oncology section. the receptionist had a european accent so it did feel like I was overseas. there was this well groomed male nurse looking very mean but still attractive. when i looked again, the male nurse was actually a female, so i laughed. if christian was there, he would have tripped or fallen off a chair after seeing another butch and convincing lesbian. as i sat on the special chemo chair, I looked around. as usual, i was the youngest patient. most of the patients were staring at me. probably wondering what i was doing there as i did not look sick. or that I shouldn’t be sick. this elderly couple next to me conversed in french and the sound of it transported my mind out of there. as the needle went into my arm, i closed my eyes and pretended I was in france instead of the oncology section of a hospital.

as I walked back home, i felt my arm still bleeding. the port still sensitive. i imaginitively slapped my face and screamed to myself, snap out of it. a port flush is nothing. just get on with your life and forget you have cancer.

lucky i had something exciting to look forward to later that afternoon. it would distract me from feeling upset/ tired after the port flush. daisy didn’t get lost and we ate junk food before going for a walk in hyde park. after that, we watched "closer". jude law, clive owen, julia roberts and some pretty girl. it was such a cute, romantic movie and so different from jelka & jack’s review. i laughed so much in the scene where clive owen and jude law chatted online. after the movie, sis joined us and we had yoshinoya for dinner. yum. daisy slept over after we watched late night tv- will & grace.

summer storm CA red stub

tuesday 15 feb 2005

rushed to get to pmatta via peak hour train and rang the dentist in transit to advise i was running a bit late. but stupid me got the date wrong. my appointment isn’t actually until next month. just another silly thing i have done recently which annoys me a lot. i blame it all on the chemo. all the toxic drugs i have taken has made me dumb. or dumber. but sometimes i just say to myself that i am stupid and it doesn’t have anything to do with cancer. like the other day i was so going crazy looking for the silver diesel ring adam gave me. when i noticed it was missing, i was getting upset. i could not relax nor get back to work. i kept fidgeting, checking all my pockets. i retraced my steps and remembered i used the level 9 bathroom in the office. checked it there, it was missing. i was going to send an email to all the boys in level 9 & 11 but that was embarrassing, just as sending it to the team/ building email alias. told myself to let go and not worry. but i kept going back to the bathroom. similar thing happened ages ago but it just fell off my fingers and I later found it on the bottom of the bin where the paper towels went. this time, richard, an office colleague gave me a pair of chopsticks so i wouldn’t have to touch the yukky paper towels. but it wasn’t there. when i got home, after checking through the ring tray (don’t know why i checked there cause I was sure I had it on at lunch time), i just sighed and let it go. told myself to move on and not to get upset anymore. later that night, as i was to take my shirt off, the blooming ring was in my shirt pocket right next to my chest the whole time. man, was i annoyed how stupid I was. i tried to laugh it out but i was still pissed off. anyway, it wasn’t easy to smile as i had to wear a mouth guard – part of the take home whitening treatment from my lovely dentist. despite being a month early for my appointment, he squeezed me in. vip treatment, loved it. the surgery knows about my cancer so they probably know cancer patients get really stupid sometimes. the treatment cost more than $980 and i paid not a cent. love my health insurance too.

my poor H was probably worried about the CA i have been trying to arrange. CA= confidentiality agreement. usually involves deeper than deep meaningful conversations. despite being late, H came over. i offered to do it over the phone but H didn’t want that option. we sat on the steps of ANZAC war memorial facing the reflective pool. the night was warm but breezy and there was a threat of a summer storm. an indicative of what the talk might cause. i started to hold H hands as i confessed to what I found out. or who I found out. luckily, H thought it was funny. it helped that we had previously talked about this happening. i guess in the back of my mind i knew that it would happen. H wasn’t hurt and saw the funny side. lucky. it helped that H had a CA to release too. well two actually. french and italian. well, the italian was a lot more of a CA breach but a french kiss is nothing. normally, others would probably be confused or even hurt how a close friend will not disclose something major happening in their life. H and i were probably beyond secrets. but it’s part of H that I have gotten used to, I guess. the funniest and most earth shattering CA was the red stub marked HQ WS. it was very funny actually. and H was very jealous.

creative writing

creative writing is one of my favourite english class activities. here is a more recent sample:

from: Nev
*********
Hello Darling,
Lol, i love your v-day and so wis it was true. I am just about to start work ( @ 12 ) really hope that today goes better than end of last week, Laura emailed me today & i just read your's aswell so am feeling a little better and will just have to remind myself of the witty & funny things that have been read this mourning.

How was your night out with TRO all went well i hope. Did anyone wink or touch TRO’s hand ? If so when's the wedding.

I had a pretty lazy day off yesterday and did'nt really want to get out off bed but did eventually. Have you seen " the stepford wife's " ? that kinda what its like down here in Sorrell ( Only all the slightly Camp People seem to be turned into robbots & suddenly have kids & a wife ) Im really scared.......

I was speaking to Deli G and your not gonna believe it… Only 15….. I feel so creepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so missing newtown but as you know i can catch a bus now ( even if it is a little retirement village type bus ) So next fantasty type email adventure i may be able to get on the bus to the city... And if your lucky i may even have some ice - cream.

Oh Crap i better run im gonna go have some lunch before i start work, looks like im going to the lovely " Fusion Restuarant " as its the only thing thats actually in the small country town.

Missing You Lots
Hope Your Well
Courtney Has Been Sent Away
If She Returns Let Me Know
And I Will Borrow Her From You

LOtsa Luv
Nev
P.S Should'nt your ringtone Be AC/DC !!!!!!!!!!!!!
*********************

email subject: hear shaped island
from: essy wrote:
hi there dodges ferry

by the time you read this, valentine's would have probably been and gone

but in my head here is how it happens:

5pm monday 14th feb after a few txt & voice messages,an agreement was finally made. me and nev were to meet in kings street, 7pm, in front of the bank hotel. TRO promised to join in ASAP, probably right after an art gallery exhibit. nev is very reluctant to go out and it took lots of convincing as he has been tired and stressed out at work. and my jokes about bullimia and other dramas did not make things easier. however, a dinner at mama maria's sealed the deal. that, and including the agreement to meet in newtown instead of the city. catching a bus to the city is a no go zone for nev. yes, it is after all no other than the nev who is the eternal newtown fringe dweller. i had promised that we didn't have to watch a ben stiller movie nor go anywhere near any ice cream, vomit jokes aside.

after meeting at the bank, we made sure we checked out the passing traffic, not just cars too, mind you. we turned heads and heads turned as they saw how cute we both looked. gee, that ess shirt looks good from a shop window, might buy that one day. the smell of shakespeare pies was nice but we knew to save our appetite for mama maria's chicken, pasta, cute eastern european service staff & hot diners. as usual, we had to go into hum to pick up nev's order: the latest special release britney cd with a special weight watcher sticker and a voucher to a big4 caravan park somewhere in parklea/ quakers hill or campbelltown. wow, the delta goodrem DVD was too good to let go, so i had to get it for me. as nev & i ordered at the restaurant, the latest beyonce ring tone went off. it was my phone, a ca ll from iti. iti is apparently in sydney for a couple of days and will later meet up with us. weird, as nev's jimmy barnes ring tone went off afterwards. apparently, the coke mobile was in the area and nua can meet us too...

9pm, just in front of the newtown hotel, TRO & div gets off the taxi, and right behind it was the coke mobile. nua could not persuade nah to come in and join us so he ended up swapping the drivers seat with nah, who quickly drove off to get out of the ghetto and instead stay at home to sew winnie the pooh bath mats. we all walked in together at the newtown, and iti was already there, chatting up the girls. nev's friends were there too, even the one who had left after being corrupted. i gave bindie a big hug and scratched my head wondering why her friends kept calling her kate. we all danced, laughed, drank a lot and enjoyed the show. as they played the acereje song, iko walked in with kra, yno and kca. and me and iko kept wondering, are they? are they going to?

there were later noises of cicadas but it was only laura imbruglia. she sang some carpenter songs and dedicated it to her girlfriend, casey chambers. apparently, they were soon going to move in together and live in tamworth. TRO asked laura & casey if they knew an australian girl called hissy. no no, she is not black. she is australian. apparently, hissy was laura's friend until she had a fight with laura's brother in law, daniel. hissy stole some eye make up a week ago from daniel's handbag.

we later saw will & craig in the corner and realised, the place suddenly nose dived. luckily, ian rob came in and offered to give us a lift to the shift. at the shift, we continued partying until we realised it was getting late and the music videos got scarier. as soon as they started playing some toni pearen song, we all left. and agreed to meet up again on friday night.

nev then decided to sleep over, but not until after a cigarrette on the balcony and doing the full monty for the hotel guests. there was a video playing in the lounge room and that made us rush to the bed and lights out....wow, not bad for a valentine's day...

oh well, am sure in your island, although it is heart shaped, you would not have as much fun as the one I made up. but as you know, although it may sound fictional, some of these things did happen and one day, it may happen again. whichever way, am already thankful of the past, optimistic of the future and hope that in the present, you are doing okay.

e-mail back, one day.

please?

***********************

bonjour Paris au revoir Kings Cross

sunday 13 feb was a lazy day. it was also hazy so the beach was not a good destination. it wasn’t until 2pm that i had a chance to get out for walk. strolled to crown street and browsed a lot. spent $25 for a can of coke and the pleasure of ART. been awhile since I visited a gallery. kept my ticket to later show TRO & brag about it. one of my favourite p words = paris ;-)

bih://hq/ppp/1/vatch/ws/white-und/jo/2/sckd/arab/bluechecks/3/sTorium/felakias



monday 14 feb KC & DRG forgot about the dinner invitation they gave me which was supposed to be for last night. so to make it better, i was invited to join DRG’s farewell dinner. i really wasn’t going to join them. i wasn’t too upset until they started apologising. i wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it but it made me feel like a loser relying on their dinner invite. it was bad enough that they did not make the other night either. i decided to join them as apparently everyone else cancelled. so i really did not have to worry about meeting new people. i finally got around to giving KC the latter days dvd I bought as a thank you for driving me around and keeping me entertained. we had thai in kings cross. it was supposed to be bangkok street cooking style but it wasn’t. midway through the entrees, KC’s friend Adam joined us. midway through the meal, Adam had to go outside for a fag break. and a cigarette. lol ..KC & Adam at one stage seemed like about to start a fist fight arguing about romance and public displays of affection. that wasn’t the funny part, as when Adam came back he told us he got approaced by this zonked out woman who was trying to sell him some services. when Adam refused, the girl apparently begged him to give her some money instead as she has not even had a shower for three days. yuk. but it was very funny.

the meal was no match to the loud laughs we had. it really was a pity DRG was leaving. but DRG beat me to the TY session via a small cute card with an email address. DRG doesn’t know it but hanging out and showing sydney has been such a great therapy for me. DRG probably doesn’t even know I am sick and I was in no hurry to talk about it. maybe by email, one day DRG will know.

we walked past the notorious wall. at one stage we thought KC was getting stared at by this shonky looking japanese guy. we weren’t sure what he wanted but he kept staring at KC. we thought he was a worker but when we were crossing the street, he was at the intersection and probably was there to buy and not sell. as this was happening, DRG was telling me about celebrity experience in San Diego. I nearly screamed as it was a Hugh Grant & George Michael in one. no charge was made as the drama act was apparently very convincing. i nearly lost my balance laughing out loud as i imagined it.

venting emotions

friday 11 feb – caught the train Kpark to start help dad with his program. have not returned kumar’s phone calls because i have been really slack, but this time, we agreed to meet up. we wanted to go somewhere for a coffee but ended up in gloria jeans. not much choice around but bella vista wasn’t bad. we giggled, laughed & had deep and meaningful as usual. I took my chance to complain about the train full of ugly people and i really did not have a right to complain as I was on it. i had thought that talking to kumar, I would get a chance to spill my bleak emotional state but kumar took the talking stick and just ran with it. it’s been awhile since we hung out and i guess it was silly of me to forget that kumar needs me to listen and be the ventee and not the ventor. we picked up isa from after school care and i was so glad isa is such a good kid. it was so funny how the biggest topic of our conversation was boys are this and girls are that…

that night, through one of the best blogs in my world (streaky is my hero – lol), i stumbled across a link to ivan nobles blog. i could not stop reading it, i kept reading until 4am. it felt like my chest was going to explode. my eyes were watery, and it is safe to say i was crying. crying for me for those who don’t know happens less often than 31 feb. ithe blog was so sad and so close to me and my current dramas. it brought up so much emotions I had to stop myself reading it. I instead focussed my energy on writing a (try hard) funny email to streaky.

saturday 12 feb ysi gave me a lift back to town. i had lunch the second time with ysi & sis in thainatown – north building. their cooking is different from the grungy original thainatown branch, more western but also nice. the massaman curry was creamy & peanuty and the beef salad had less fish sauce tang. my first lunch wasn’t bad. as payment for my services, dad had cooked blue swimmer crabs & NZ mussels. geez, am spoilt. ysi, sis & I went to st mary’s cathedral for a sung mass. the choir boy this week was not like last but it was also good.

tried to have a disco nap but it didn’t happen. i was too excited to go out. we started at the shift before midnight. it was packed. even saw an office colleague. got too shy to say hello. i was glad everyone was there. a&j, naoki, mark, adam & david. charles and cristian was supposed to meet us but didn’t make it till later when adam, a&j & i was already at arq. saturday nights are never my favourite but although the company was great – it felt odd to be out. i had never seen arq this bad – as in the crowd. music was just not right. decided to leave before 2am.

french red wine

monday 7 feb in the office went quick and painless. I was busy after work with house chores and the trip home was tiring. rang sis and I was happy to hear that her colonoscopy went well. my surgeon, my hero, cleared her of bowel cancer. that’s everyone in my family clear now. cousins on either side in my generation who had symptoms were recently cleared too. so this confirms the cancer luck is something I can only own. typical, I thought.

bih://1/greenwood/vatch/goth/jo/off-floor-jzz/2/metctr/redT/azulSauconyShrts/

went for a walk with A&J at 9pm. hyde park was very pretty and the light breeze was nice. the park path was so clean, as if it was cleaned so the path I walk through would be perfect. i acknowledged the park bench I sat in a few days ago when I was nearly in tears trying to work out when I would get out from feeling low. but as I walked this night, I did not feel low. it was such a good feeling by the time we reached martin place, it was feeding time for the city’s homeless vagrants. well, vagrants is probably not the politically correct term but better than what I said before I knew what they were. as we neared, I started to say that it felt like the dredge of society was around us. they smelt, looked unkempt & very noisy.

tuesday 8 feb, very hot day. met sis at home after work & drove to coogee beach again. by the time we got there, the heatwave they have been reporting on the weather channel seemed like fiction. late afternoon on a weekday, surely only tourists would be hanging at the beach. we found a perfect spot in the covered area to leave our stuff and enjoy the afternoon. there were kids playing and the sound of foreign languages got in tuned with the waves. it was nice, i felt like I was in Tahiti. there were kids of mixed backgrounds and they spoke French. one little girl, kept playing peek a boo with sis and that was funny to watch. as the sun started to set, I picked a spot on the beach where the light was orange and the area looked spot lit. right above it, there we no clouds and the blue water reflected it towards me. was it healing lights from the heaven? or was it a happy cheerful moment in the soap opera that is my life? whatever it was, it felt great. sis & I are friends again and my depressed state of mind was no longer feeling hopeless. I had to share the moment with friends via txt messages as far as Tasmania & New Zealand.

bih://coogeebeach/tlt/nosebridgePiercing/redSpeedoes/sck

9pm, KC & DRG picked me up to check out Chinatown so we can see The Year of The Rooster NYE celebrations. after a quick stroll in Chinatown, we headed to Mrs Macquaries chair. it was dark but there were lots of people. the twilight cinema on the harbour was packed. gael garcia bernal was on the screen and KC had to pee. it was very funny. we walked to the edge of the point and looked out at the harbour without stopping a stream of conversation comparing past experiences and future hopes. no mention of my cancer was made. great. we then went to harry’s café de wheels for hotdogs. we kept going with the abbreviation games and amused ourselves as we kept coming up with new ones. ONS=one night stand. WAW=what a waste. DM=dating material. the bench seats facing the harbour was full. we had the ducks in front of us and mentioned about my first pet duck. I called it Queenie. At the time, the street name where we lived in was Everlasting. Queenie Everlasting is such a funny drag name.

wednesday 9 feb 8pm booking for 5 Razor’s Edge Restaurant Enmore. my favourite risotto restaurant with my beautiful and loving friends. wore my black ss blue embroidered detail shirt from NZ, bootleg khaki coloured jeans and black & white diesel shoes. D & i picked the French red wine which made KC & DRG more giggly. as if we needed that. TRO showed off the brown jacket purchased from Hobart last weekend. i had the indian seafood risotto for mains and the sticky date pudding for dessert. yummy. the creation of Adam mural at the restaurant was outshined by DRG’s nipples. this got picked on right from the beginning of the dinner. TRO, the one responsible for corrupting me in so many ways (that claim goes both ways when TRO talks about me), shared the recent abbreviations we came up with. UTH=uglier than him! LoL. this is funny as it referred to something I have recently done by mistake or more accurately – a sign of desperation.

by 10pm, the wine had made us sleepy but keen to keep going. unfortunately TRO & D had to go. KC drove us to Sydney Park so DRG can see the look out and see the beautiful Sydney CBD nightlights from the south west. it was my second time there but i felt like i knew the place like an expert. it was a bit scary as it is very dark and the noise of the planes going overhead makes you feel like it’s a horror movie scene. what actually happens is not similar to any horror movie at all.

bih://sydpark/vatch/two/1vog/1btmB/riding

cogee beach – a few stolen moments

sunday 6 feb

yay, another beach day! this was planned a couple of weeks back with KC, JZ & MK. the beach location was dependent on whether the boys will be okay enough to get out of bed after a heavy drinking night. tequila, yum. i miss the salt, lemon & the cleansing taste which makes me feel brave when i drink it. and it’s fun to turn people off when i volunteer to swallow the worm. KC dramatically rang and said that i had to help pick up the Dominican Republic guest (DRG) from a Pitt St hotel. i was confused as KC previously told me that the guest was Puerto Rican and a friend. i wasn’t at all excited as KC told me DRG had an American accent and that i was to offer morale support. i don’t know- a stranger who had an American accent, possibly a freeloader- not excited at all.

when KC’s car slowed down, i got in the back. DRG was wearing a trucker cum military cap sort of similar to mine so i couldn’t really see DRG’s face. i wasn’t sure if DRG looked trustworthy enough. KC & DRG were conversing in Spanish. i followed enough of it and was amazed as KC mentioned DRG also spoke French and had just come from Japan after living there for the past 18 months. as we drove past central train station, i was taken aback as KC started to point out someone wearing a red T and yelled out something obscene like “show us your tits”, we all laughed but DRG and i suddenly came up with a scoring/ abbreviation game. driving less than 5kms, we were non-stop laughing and comparing abbreviations and scores like we were long lost friends. we dropped of DRG’s luggages & drove back to town. we invited DRG to join us at the beach but DRG had errands to finish.

picked up JZ from the city but MK had to stay home & nurse the hangover plus finish some university stuff. JZ & i bought lunch – Nandos Portuguese chicken & chips. we picked a nice spot under a tree overlooking the main coogee beach esplanade KC was keen to sleep on the beach but i had to go & sit in the bathroom for a long time to get my cancer tummy to settle. right after the lunch, it was so nice to lie down on the beach, perve, enjoy the blue sky, the breeze and another perfect Sydney summer. JZ & KC had a swim whilst i walked up and down the beach. as i walked and reviewed the morning, i felt very light. less troubled and very different from the lowness i had been feeling in the past 4 weeks. wow, did this mean that the old happy me is starting to come back? what a nice thought. being out with friends, laughing, the blue skies, the warm beautiful days, the sound of the crashing waves --- these all helped i thought. when i got back to our spot, KC was already sleeping. JZ & i sat on the water’s edge, buried our feet in the fine white sand and felt the wave motions. there were quiet moments where i just stared out to the sea. JZ phoned his girlfriend whilst another topless woman walked past or plonked down on the sand letting it all hang out. it was funny. JZ & I went to the northern end of the beach to the rocky part to perve some more. well, not really perve but to enjoy our day on the beach. we compared it to phuket, boracay & batangas beaches. the stench of one corner of the beach put us off, so did the prickly gravel and dried kelp. we had D&M’s and I started to explain my 2004 dramas and why I do not yet work full time hours at the office. But JZ already knew. KC or MC apparently mentioned it. it was a relief that JZ already knew. in the past, i would probably have been very upset because I had previously told KC not to tell everyone.

on the way back to KC’s place, we dropped by Marrickville. i got some lime, ochre & tomatoes. KC roasted pork in mama sita’s special bbq marinade. chopped tomatoes dressed with kamayan prawn paste became our salad. the steamed ochre was yummy on top of the steamed jasmine rice. and KC’s left over michado from the other night made DRG homesick of a similar Dominican Republic dish. after dinner, we all sat outside the balcony and checked out what the rest of the residents in KC’s complex did to wind down on a Sunday night. by the time we looked at our watch, it was nearly 11pm. a lot of times, we had to remind ourselves to keep it down as we talked and laughed so loud. our conversation varied a lot from comparing cities we have visited and romantic escapades we had experienced.

KC drove me & JZ home. our conversation was non stop. we kept playing the perspective lover game. just before we reached anzac bridge, the driver on the intersection next to us caught my attention. i loudly blurted out “we’ll be making love the whole night through”. my mind suddenly went overdrive and tried to figure out where i got it from. as we entered the bridge, I got it….”a few stolen moments, is all that we share, you’ve got your family and they need you there” … before we reached the end, everyone was singing with me. we dropped off JZ but KC, DRG and I sang out loud as we drove from the west to the east side of the city. we got to sing “I will always love you” and followed it by Madonna songs, as you do.

Hanging out at the Domain

Saturday 5 February

Returning home from buying the newspaper, I noticed sis had already left. I took this opportunity to grab a quck meal and left the house again with my SMH (Sydney Morning Herald) in my SMH blue environmentally friendly bag. So trendy, so Sydney. I left her a quck note spewing out what I had been thinking the past couple of days regarding her late night arrivals.

On my way to my favourite park bench in the Botanical Gardens, I contemplated a few stops along the way to plonk myself down and start reading the SMH. And as usual, it was the Domain, where I ended up. Post radio, I sat on the bench facing the Potts Point/ Kings Cross skyline.

bih:domain/whitesinglet/bluetrackpants/whitecap/unct/svallov

The weather was nice once again and I enjoyed looking out farm cove from my park bench at the Botanical gardens. No shortage of eye candies too. lol. My afternoon was set as KC was later helping me to drop off the vacuum cleaner the second time for repair. Plus, had earlier arrangements to meet in St Mary’s Cathedral with the clan.

KC chatted L at Godfreys. There was apparently a scent although mild, was enough to get us giggling. But the difference between KC and I stopped when KC said that was interested in asking :L out to dinner. Asking someone in a Customer Service position at a retail level (or any level for that matter) is not really my cup of tea. It was awkward too. How are you supposed to ask? Thanks for selling me a vacuum cleaner bag. BTW, can we go out on a date? Not for me, I think I made an agreement with KC to not ask until I am finished with my vacuum repair issue.

After church, we dinner at home. I continued to avoid conversing with sis as I was still peeved. I had already had dad approve for us to end the car park lease to our tenant. This would prevent me worrying about sis wandering around the streets at night to park the car. At least, her parking would be guaranteed and secure. I made a very yummy greek salad. The Portuguese chicken from Nandos went down well too together with dad’s embutido. Mum & Dad were pleased. They slept over so I made sure I did not go out til late. I did one week’s worth of ironing instead.

Manly Fairy

Friday 4 Feb

Got a day tripper ticket on my way to work. That way, I knew I would not be tempted to change my mind about TRO’s invitation to go out later that night. Or succumb to the pressure of going to the launch party in Hyde Park. I knew I wasn’t in a right frame of mind to attend. I knew that it was more likely to depress me so I wanted to avoid it.

After work, I tried to encourage TRO to join me on my ferry trip. I was upset that TRO seemed to be making an excuse, using the “I am too tired” for anything to be helping me. I had hoped TRO would accompany me. Just like in year 2000 when I wanted to take a ferry trip to celebrate my 30th birthday. I had a suspicion that if we were doing something that suited TRO personally, the energy levels would be different.

And so at 6:10 pm I left Circular Quay for Manly. It was a lovely trip. I was playing tourist in my own home town and I was enjoying it. But I am sure I did not appear to be enjoying it. It was too painful to smile as I felt very low and empty. I looked around at the other passengers and it consisted of those going home after work, tourists and one cancer depressed Village resident. The sky however looked great. the harbour, bridge and opera house was magnificent. When the ferry passed The Gap, it got a bit choppy. I did not mind the rocking sensation. I knew I wasn’t going to get sea sick as chemo was a lot more tough than a little choppy harbour waves.

When I arrived in Manly, I went for a stroll to the beach and looked out to the sea a lot. And sat in the bathroom a lot too. Waiting for my tummy to settle. And other things to maybe start. But nothing happened.

As I made my way back to the wharf, the sunset got more colourful. There was a crowd sitting my the steps of the wharf looking at the headlands on the western side. There were photographers trying to capture the beauty of it all. By my side was a mum and son. The Son would be in his early twenties. They both looked happy and content. I wish I was there with my mum. But I guess even if I was, I would not look happy and content. I miss the days when I would hang out with her and feel her love. Now, when she is around me, I pity her because I know of the pain she goes through worrying about me.

I sat in the front of the ferry as it made it’s way back to the city. Passengers would have to be tourists for sure. Their cameras were ready to snap each lovely vista. As we arrived towards the Opera house, the camera flashes were non stop. It was beautiful to look at the city buildings, all lit up. As the ferry moored, it almost felt dramatic as it looked like we were entering a stage where all the spotlights were focused on our destination. Seeing how inspiring it all looked, I had not much option but do the trip again. So I got back on the ferry as quickly as I got off. The second return trip back to Circular Quay was not as grand as but it was just as fun. As the ferry earlier left Manly, I sat in the front with a bunch of what I assumed to be Eastern European students. It wasn’t easy to determine the language they were speaking but it seemed to be a mix of Italian, Russian, Polish and German. It didn’t stop me pretending I was one of those Lukas movies. And they had that kind of look too. There was even a hint of the purple Kristos Kristoff scent in the air. It was quite nice as I felt the last radio sensations.

That night, two return ferry trips to Manly and a bus ride to Whitlam Square including my train ride to work this morning, my day tripper ticket was well worth the $15 it had cost me. It allowed me to avoid the launch party and TRO’s plan to go to manacle.

Later that night, I was furious as Sis didn’t get home until after midnight for two nights in a row. From 11pm, I was already nagging her. But only in head of course. I sent her a txt to say I went off to bed. I was worried and annoyed that I could not stop worrying. In my mind, I played the scary scenarios of how I would tell our parents something bad has happened if something bad did actually happen. I knew of course that nothing bad was going to happen. Sis don’t really share the same bad luck as I do. But it was really bad that I could not help it. Earlier in the week, mum was asking me how late sis has been getting home. I could no longer help it so I told her very gently not to be angry about and instead talk to sis direct about it. I understood how she needs to enjoy her city life and going out after staying back really late at work can only be expected. I often told her how I was not setting a curfew time and I just wanted to know her ETAs as the area around us in not really safe for single gals. lt was really annoying that I was playing mother. And it was making me grumpy. As if I needed to be more grumpy than I already am.

bondi beach storm

Wednesday 2 Feb

Woke up early and picked up my CT Scans from Nepean Private before going to see my oncologist. My weight, still 76 kilos. Yuk. And there I was thinking I lost some after returning to work. Not much news and I wasn’t even nervous. When the current report mentioned the possibility of a clot on my upper leg, I wasn’t even worried. I was really numb. And I guess emotionally tired. By this stage, I guess I wanted to be much more happy with my progress but I truly was not. Feeling this low, I had thought nothing else could really upset me more.

My oncologist proceeded with referring me to the Cancer Care Centre closer to home. Yay. This would probably mean I won’t have to travel to Penrith any longer. The drive from the city last night wasn’t too bad considering it was peak traffic but it was good that I wasn’t caught in the storm. Even managed to go grocery shopping last night after 9pm. But walking from the apartment to see my new doctor would be very good.

Dropped mum off at St Patrick’s. The drive to city via the freeway from Penrith only took an hour. When I got to Belvedere, there was no street parking so I stole a resident’s spot. Had lunch and when I went back to the car, it was blocked. I was worried the owner would be really pissed off but he didn’t seem as angry as I expected. I even offered him some cash. And when I left, I felt lucky to have found a perfect spot. Right then I told myself not to be always pessimistic. Good things happen to me too although not often.

Without the car, the bus stop decided where my next stop would be. I knew I had to go to the beach. Before 3:30 pm I was on my way to Bronte Beach. The storm was beginning to brew. It was windy and the waves were fierce. But it was hot. And I loved it.

I enjoyed the walk between Bronte and Bondi. Although it was a weekday, there were a few people enjoying the track. I was not deprived of sweet eye candies for sure. And I picked a few spots to stop and take a breather. To enjoy the view of the waves, the fell of the howling wind and the hot wet weather.

By the time I reached Bondi Pavilion, the sky was dark grey. I had never seen Bondi Beach this scary before. It didn’t look like the usual postcard view at all. The clouds were thick and fast and grey. The waves were crashing loud but not as dramatic as the thunder. Just another proof how over it all I was, I felt numb. I was appreciative of it’s beauty but I am sure an average person would have been scared of the landscape and the weather unfolding. I just sat on the steps under one of the arches and savoured it all. I was amused by the other people there. They were stuck as they did not have umbrellas. I wasn’t as I had one but there was no way I wanted to miss out on seeing the beauty of the storm. I likened it to what might me brewing in me. Or what the future holds for me. It was raining so hard I also compared it to a tsunami. But I wasn’t afraid. I sort of thought, if I died from it, at least it wasn’t the cancer.

bih: 1/ thbondi/tlt/surfie/hrychst/JO/2/pavilion/tlt/blueUniformCouncil/JOvatch

One thing which amused me was watching this guy crack on to this girl. It was so fascinating to see. The boy was like a peacock. He walked up in down in front of the girl who was initially very oblivious to him. I could tell by the way he was staring at her that he was interested. His eyes looked as if he was undressing her and it was as if he could really see through the white dress she was wearing. He probably could as it was white and of very thin material. She had long blonde pigtails, almost like pippy longstocking but of a young nordic princess loveliness. He wasn't bad looking. He had Anglo feautures with a hint of northern italian. He took his shirt off and using his towel, kept stretching his body to show what he had to offer. The blonde girl had a friend with her, but I felt sorry for her as she looked ugly next to her. By herself, she would have passed as average. To amuse herself and probably give her friend space for the boy to make a move, she repeatedly went out in the rain and played as if it was the first time she saw water. A few minutes passed and just as it looked like they were about to kiss, he had to go. He said goodbye but with a very silvery glint in his eye. A few moments later he went by again as if saying he has come back and he will not leave again without her heart. But after all that, he left again and nothing much happened. She seem to have written down his phone number or something but she did not seem very enthused about it all. I chuckled too myself and thought that they look good together. The boy had probably just one idea, but who could blame him. It seemed like hard work, but am sure with his looks, it doesn't usually take much effort for him to pull. I laughed out loud when I realised how in some streams or teams, the hook up process would have taken one tenth of the time.

After the storm, I waded through the flooded back part of the pavilion to reach McDonalds and satisfied my craving for a big mac meal. And the French tourists provided hot entertainment as I ate. When I arrived back at the apartment, the weather was nice again, as if the storm did not at all happen.

Alexander the Great

Sunday 30 January Alexander the Great

It was supposed to be a beach day but it was cloudy. Ended up in Westfield Bondi Junction with KC. We browsed and checked out some things to buy too. he he he. Lots of eye candies. I was craving for some Vietnamese pho but was very disappointed. KC’s laksa was too thick and looked as disappointing as KC’s reaction. The Thai noodle place up on the fifth floor usually serves good food but we were disappointed. I previously had the egg noodle with duck and the laksa and the beef salad and enjoyed it lots. But not this time. Got the movie tickets whilst KC found a parking spot. Whilst lining up, noticed these group of trendy and glamourous teens and admired them. They had youth, money, and good looks. But I knew straight away jealousy is no good, esp in my already low state of mind.

Alexander the great was a long movie. Lots of boring parts. But there were plenty of ohhhh ahhhhing. I was never really a fan of Colin Friel but Angelina Jolie was really pretty and played her part well. We sat through the long movie and I was impressed with the seating allocation and the good looking crowd in the cinema. At times, I was watching the viewers more than the movie. KC and I were impressed with Alexander’s achievements but later I told KC that perhaps the moral lesson of the movie was that if Alexander chose to have a family and listen to his mother, he would have lived a more happy and successful life. But KC said that it was just ambition to keep going further, or greed that made him fizz out earlier in his life. And then I realise that despite dying young, Alexander did live a GREAT life. Maybe that could be me. Or then again maybe not.

KC had to go to a live band playing at the Coogee beach hotel. I piked out and instead pottered around the house. Later went out for a walk around Duffy Bros. Bumped into S. I wasn’t sure S was going to say hello so I deliberately went the opposite way. Funny, it wasn’t the first time I bumped into S this week. I used to see S at the Greenwood but we never acknowledged each other’s presence. S is quiet and probably one of the very few people who can’t stand me. I like to think S is just really shy. S is so lucky partnering with M. From the first time I met S, years and years ago, I always wondered what attracted M to S. S seems like an easily annoyed person. I thought S was a hypocrite and I always wondered whether M knew S was prowling. Last Friday, I tried to sus out from K what the go was between S & M. Whether they were in an open relationship or not. the goodness in me remembered it wasn’t my business so I just left it. As I was strolling, I guess S acknowledged the fact that I was there and would thus deliberately ignore me again as usual. But I thought I had the upper hand so when we walked across each other again, I made eye contact. Surprisingly, S did acknowledge me and was even quite friendly. I would have stopped and chat but I decided against it. But later, I decided to atleast say goodbye as I was going home. Even wished S goodluck.

bih: sgnl/glryHls/