christine gossip from megan

e-mail from megan:

ciao marcus

como esta mi amico!

i miss you a lot my dear. i understand that a lot of things are so trying for you these days and i can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it is but the sweet marcus i know is extremely strong. not many can be man enough to be the person that you are, and that is well before all this cancer drama. i worry that there is nothing i can say to make you feel better but i am hopeful that you enjoy reading my e-mails just as much as i enjoy reading yours.

travelling between milan, sydney and everywhere else in between is not as exciting as it used to be. it is tiring too having to police giancarlo’s flirting but he keeps telling me that i have nothing to worry about. marcus, he can be such a prick sometimes but i just look at him and i fall in love right again. despite all the glamour of the work i do, i really would just rather be back in the old days where i could hang out at tamarama beach and daydream.

the other night, i did something very naughty. i felt so low and a lot of people will definitely discard me from what i have done but i needed it. hypocrites will easily accuse me of sinking too low for my own good. i am sure you remember my weakness. being with christine didn’t help. she sort of encouraged me but as you know, i don’t really need much encouragement when it comes to that. you will laugh at this but right after finishing, i wanted more.

afterwards, me and christine had a very scary one on one. she talks a lot of crap, as you know, but what she confessed was quite scary. it sort of made me understand her a bit more. i know she told me to encourage me with my view of life, to inspire me in a way. it made me feel guilty of how i treat her. she can be difficult at times but in the end of the day, she is no doubt one of the most loving people in this world. she just wants to be loved, like we all do i guess. the reason i am telling you all this is because i am hoping it would be of use to you. she told me she is in a condition that is also considered “terminal”. one thing that keeps her going and where her hopes come from is the drugs that she takes. no wonder she is skinny. i had thought i was sensitive enough with the way i reacted but it is hard to believe that no one else apart from her family know. there is a lot of drama surrounding it and no wonder her mother have had a nervous break down.

what of use is all of this for you? well, christine has been “terminally ill” since atleast 1998. and look at her now? surely there is a lot of problems in her life right but she keeps going and braves the big bad ugly world. you have a much stronger and optimistic personality, so surely if she can do it, you can too!

don’t forget to use the sunscreen i gave you. pink zinc really works for you darling. see you in dj’s soon.

love
megan
xox

north sydney girls high

2 – 4 march

been chatting to DRG and JK a lot via instant message. it was a constant effort to re-focus on business related issues when the thoughts that flowed between my finger tips and keyboard were mainly related to romance, lack of it and the delusions that keep hopeless cupid challenged losers like moi. it was lots of fun though. the object of my affection, stef from HR, kept my office friends laughing and energised despite the annoying fact that we were in the office to make the global companies we work for, continue to generate billion of dollars more than microsoft. at one stage, there were screams in my cubicle as i showed them stef’s office directory profile picture, tiled in my desktop as wallpaper. the boss got into the act as well. she carried on long and hard about her office “to do lists”, and it excluded business related issues. we chatted and gasped about who the “team players” are and the boss got shocked about some who sit and jump “the fence”.

one lunch time, stef was in the kitchen preparing pizza left overs to be heated in the microwave. as i placed my smelly lunch into the machine, in a big butch voice, i politely asked if i was pushing in. stef said “technically, not”. my “okay, cheers” reply was of cool indifference but in actual fact, i had fainted from the arrow cupid had once again struck my heart. with “my funny valentine” by harry cornick jnr playing in the background. my officemates were giggling and supporting me in my hopeless but convincing pre-puberty antics. the day after that, i had kept returning into the area where stef was, ferrying whatever sort of kitchen utensil i could find as an excuse to be get a glance.

i convinced myself and my colleagues that my fantasies were not unfounded. at least more than a year ago, stef and i actually danced with each other in my favourite local tragic bar. it had happened one friday night. i was groovily bopping + flashing my irresistible smile. my charm worked well not only on the cute AC (arabic charmer) i was interested in but whole group of office colleagues. a few days later, as i was rushing into the office foyer, i noticed stef smiling at me, but it took me a very long time to tie it back to that incident. i remember stef’s smile from the time i was dancing with their group. i was sure stef danced with me as an excuse for AC to get nearer me. we exchanged lots of suggestive glances but nothing much happened as i was too cool to make a move. as it got later, i lost their group . from then onwards, i had been wanting to check whether stef lived in the village too. or perhaps stef was just taking overseas program managers and showing the best of sydney. but now a lot of time has passed and it seems silly for me to approach stef and say, “hey, was that you flirting with me the other night (a few years ago) whilst christina aguillera’s dirrrrty music video was playing????” and “by the way, i love you!!!”

to make my stef obsession less tragic, it has to be explained that JK, whose cubicle is right next to mine, has a crush on our office barista. the problem is JK thinks the barista might be batting for the wrong team. and i am not even sure if it was me who gave JK that idea. although JK admits it is just a fantasy/ morning eye candy, the idea that a future lover is from the wrong team/ or a double adaptor (jk’s own words) is an issue. but not an issue that warrants any judgement but more of an information only basis. jk apparently just needs to know so that gender or preference can be filed into a defined category. the cheeky me could not resist to play with jk’s need to this by challenging jk’s way of thinking. i kept suggesting barista is probably a kylie minogue lover. lover of her music, her sexy features or her sexy lingerie range. the degrees of liking each of the above category will or should define barista’s gender/ preference.

bih: // sydneycentral/myer/1/feed/blueshirt/2/jo/vatch/vog/str8?/opendoor/doesthishelp

my best work related achievement for this week would have to getting stef to smile at me as my office colleagues and i were leaving to get lunch. friday night pub drinks revolved around that achievement and my plan to play billy ocean’s “suddenly” as our wedding march. as stef and i exchange vows, minnie ripperton’s “loving you” will be played too.

i have tried to use my cancer an excuse for my behaviour. but actually, i have not felt like this for a very very long time. going gah gah is not really me, i try to convince myself. but the weird thing is, i probably would have gone on this badly about this stef business even if the cancer doesn’t exist. but then again, maybe, i have been acting like this so my office friends can see the marc who has a silly teeny crush. instead of a silly marc who doesn’t know how to move forward with his life with cancer. or the little life that is left because of it. either way, it’s really sad. but who wants to cry about it? i don’t. at the moment, i find it very funny.

school night detention

28 – 29 Feb
the last two films of my festival sessions were not something i would probably want to watch again. love in thougths, a german true to life story was not a winner for many of the cinema goers. one of the loudest remark was it was not a film that fit into the category of the festival. it was basically a sibling rival story. but right afterwards, ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’, rang true. when the film was in the first 20 minutes, as i yawned, i consoled myself by saying that if i found it boring, surely it would be so much more painful for tim. i had only met tim before the movie started but he was there as a friend of a friend invited him. i didn’t see tim as someone who would enjoy a tragic love story, set pre 1935, german language with english subtitles. it is far from a hollywood popcorn movie. i initially assumed, tim’s favourite movie would be something with jim carrey involving fart jokes. or at best, that movie with ryan phillipe as the podium dancer in some druggie heaven dance club set in new york. the friend who took him there apparently met him in a dance/ rave club. i was shocked as tim overheated when he had to explain why he liked it. he said “but you don’t know me outside of the club. you don’t know me! all we ever talked about is conquests and the fact that my attraction to islander beauties is considered as a fetish”. as it turned out later, tim is actually a serious writer. a writer who seems talented and sure of himself. not really what equates to his plan to wear only speedoes at work this coming weeked. he works part time in one of the hip bars in taylor square.

bih: //pavillion/1/recd/blackshirt/badbreath/2/sckd/drunken monkey/Tshirt/3/vatch wia-carribean beanie

the last film of the festival for me was with TRO. a collection of short films. the first one was awfully painful and boring. but the rest was okay. one of the better ones was a multi screen acappella music video of live to tell. it was a bit sad to be the last film of the festival as i had gotten used to the routine of it all. plus, the eye candies and the village buzz were certainly big motivators also.

TRO made a big mistake of joking about a later trip to sydney park as KC turned it into a serious invitation/ request. luckily, i had the option to turn the plan around. we ended up enjoying a school night out. prima facie, manacle is supposedly vanilla free zone. my theory however was well supported. the vibe despite what almost a deliberate and successful attempt for it to look like a dangerous dark and dingy alleyway, was actually more of a pre-pubescent catholic girls high school. it was so funny and a big tick on a to do list for some. i made the initial conviction for our presence there without the knowledge that it was a themed night for skin heads and rubber. but as it got later, we had no option but to stay, grin and bear. and later laugh out lots about it.

buzzzzzy street ... party feeling

worked from home on friday as i had to take an early morning dallas call. by mid afternoon, after a load of laundy, i was on my way to bondi beach. when i got there, it did not fail to keep me entertained and away from depression. with the beautiful day and the way i was feeling, there was no reason for me to complain. it was a hot day so the bus was packed. but the trip was just as enjoyable. on the way there, there was a guy who sang too loud with his ipod in his ears or maybe that was his way of getting “idol” status as he was quite a singer. my ears were thankful and my head was busy telling my voice not to take part as i would have been voted off the bus. via the sydney magazine, i learnt that c1930, five people died on bondi because of unexpected wave surges. tsunamis on bondi. apparently, there would have been more fatalities if the surf club was not as well trained and responsive.

finally got to vacuum on saturday. after all the vacuum cleaner dramas of the past month, last thursday, my 18 month old hoover was upgraded with a trade in value for a werheim navy blue power roller. and thanks to charles, bondi junction westfield parking is now configured in my head. scrubbed the toilet and bathroom mirror like crazy. others would have been grossed out but the obsessive compulsive me sprayed orange concentrate cheerfully, sweaty head band and all. walked to chinatown afterwards to get a haircut. when i came out, i looked round all over. i should have kept the side burns longer. bumped into mum & dad so they decided to not stay longer to visit.

sunday started with two dizzies competing. i was on the goulburn street entrance steps of belvedere when i phoned anthony to come by and meet me. lots of minutes later i called him asking where he was. he was on the goulburn street entrance steps but the facing brisbane street. he walked past behind me and we missed each other. before midday, our party of eight were seated in silver spring yum cha restaurant. buffet yum cha. odd but good value specially if your group contained non yum cha goers. naoki update me with his recent adventures and dramas. the poor boy had been busy shocked by mark’s two diabetes induced comas. it was funny when we talked about it but i knew it would have been quite a drama at the time. naoki learnt that from me i believe, to later laugh off something that was so scary.

the nasty shallow me dismissed eric as he turned up late at yum cha. i even said something nasty to naoki about it but all changed when eric later gave me, alex and charles a lift in his blue topless holden convertible. it was a beautiful ride to paddington through the back streets of surry hills. “so i can see sydney and sydney can see me .... he he he “said charles after promising to upgrade his elantra to an astra convertible. me, am sticking to my dream jeep wrangler.

what better way to spend a sydney sunday afternoon than to sit in an open air lounge/ bar with a live dj drinking mojitos. it was then that we proclaimed H village central to be in party mode. a perfect way to farewell summer although there are no current signs it will be going. i am no way complaining. tried to disco nap afterwards but that failed. by midnight, adam, charles & jericho and moi were bopping in arq. beforehand, adam and i were playing our part to be friendly to overseas guests. but frankie or kobe blue T turned out to be a local. but usually away from sydney as a flight attendant. not another one. he he he.

art vs fart

21 – 27 Feb

why do i love tourists? one morning, i was walking along goulburn street and i was asked for directions to darling harbour by a very friendly looking and attractive young german woman with her husband/ boyfriend. i gave them directions and later waited for them to catch up as we reached the elizabeth street intersection so i can be more detailed with interesting spots along the way. later that day, as i was walking uphill to get back home, i bumped into them again. they looked cheerful and excited to be discovering the beauty of sydney. i chatted with them and gave them suggestions to check out the eat streets around our area. i even gave longrain (the hippest thai restaurant/cocktail bar this side of surry hills) a good plug. as i left them, i felt great and almost hesitant to let them go. i wanted to continue chatting or even hang out with them some more so i can show them why am so proud of my city. but maybe i was helpful only because they were cute and friendly. i would have probably been not as helpful if they were loud annoying americans.

the oscars had global attention but in my world, six movies in a week is definitely over my average. tuesday night, D and i watched ‘sky captain’ starring gwyneth, angelina & jude for $5 at greater union. we had dinner afterwards in an irish pub and my pepper steak went down so well i didn’t have room for dessert. the five other movies i saw this week were in the queer/ arthouse category. part of the MD film festival. the low budget ones were transparently under achieved but the message and intent still worth the tiicket. “everyone” (canadian wedding) was possibly my least favourite. i was probably annoyed as our seating was bad and my tummy was feeling off. it did not help that the actors were ugly. “locked up” was very ironic as it was made by a production company primarily in the porn market. and yet the theme and moral lesson of the story was more cheesy than titanic. the fetish scenes were not welcomed by some but a lot i am sure were mesmerised. anthony thought it was bad but i knew not to take the movie seriously so i enjoyed it. charles deliberately closed his eyes at some sections and held his mouth so he did not throw up. i on the other hand just laughed it off. in “raspberry reich” at the valhalla, i had to close my eyes and not focus as the flashing red screens with black writing loudly came on. if i was epiliectic i probably would have had an attack. the revolutionary and capitalistic messages were lost in a lot of the audience minds whilst the porn scenes were uncomfortable for some. there were a few who walked off. adam loved it. so did atef. mixing porn and art is probably clever but the art is perhaps too much on the fart side. “slutty summer” was annoying for me as it twanged too much with an abnoxious new york accent, actors who could not act, and those who were supposed to be glam were actually from my perspective a bit on the gloom instead. “summer storm” was a crowd favourite. and i would be interested to get it on dvd. the german films this year were certainly notable.