summer storm CA red stub

tuesday 15 feb 2005

rushed to get to pmatta via peak hour train and rang the dentist in transit to advise i was running a bit late. but stupid me got the date wrong. my appointment isn’t actually until next month. just another silly thing i have done recently which annoys me a lot. i blame it all on the chemo. all the toxic drugs i have taken has made me dumb. or dumber. but sometimes i just say to myself that i am stupid and it doesn’t have anything to do with cancer. like the other day i was so going crazy looking for the silver diesel ring adam gave me. when i noticed it was missing, i was getting upset. i could not relax nor get back to work. i kept fidgeting, checking all my pockets. i retraced my steps and remembered i used the level 9 bathroom in the office. checked it there, it was missing. i was going to send an email to all the boys in level 9 & 11 but that was embarrassing, just as sending it to the team/ building email alias. told myself to let go and not worry. but i kept going back to the bathroom. similar thing happened ages ago but it just fell off my fingers and I later found it on the bottom of the bin where the paper towels went. this time, richard, an office colleague gave me a pair of chopsticks so i wouldn’t have to touch the yukky paper towels. but it wasn’t there. when i got home, after checking through the ring tray (don’t know why i checked there cause I was sure I had it on at lunch time), i just sighed and let it go. told myself to move on and not to get upset anymore. later that night, as i was to take my shirt off, the blooming ring was in my shirt pocket right next to my chest the whole time. man, was i annoyed how stupid I was. i tried to laugh it out but i was still pissed off. anyway, it wasn’t easy to smile as i had to wear a mouth guard – part of the take home whitening treatment from my lovely dentist. despite being a month early for my appointment, he squeezed me in. vip treatment, loved it. the surgery knows about my cancer so they probably know cancer patients get really stupid sometimes. the treatment cost more than $980 and i paid not a cent. love my health insurance too.

my poor H was probably worried about the CA i have been trying to arrange. CA= confidentiality agreement. usually involves deeper than deep meaningful conversations. despite being late, H came over. i offered to do it over the phone but H didn’t want that option. we sat on the steps of ANZAC war memorial facing the reflective pool. the night was warm but breezy and there was a threat of a summer storm. an indicative of what the talk might cause. i started to hold H hands as i confessed to what I found out. or who I found out. luckily, H thought it was funny. it helped that we had previously talked about this happening. i guess in the back of my mind i knew that it would happen. H wasn’t hurt and saw the funny side. lucky. it helped that H had a CA to release too. well two actually. french and italian. well, the italian was a lot more of a CA breach but a french kiss is nothing. normally, others would probably be confused or even hurt how a close friend will not disclose something major happening in their life. H and i were probably beyond secrets. but it’s part of H that I have gotten used to, I guess. the funniest and most earth shattering CA was the red stub marked HQ WS. it was very funny actually. and H was very jealous.