acupuncture analgesia ...

had my second acupuncture treatment today & i think it has helped. my head doesn't feel as heavy. or maybe the antibiotics i started yesterday is starting to work. started to take organic nutrients too. with all these supplements surely i should start to feel better.

missed out on chemo last wednesday. my blood test came up okay though, no nasties nor unusual blood count but i rejected chemo as there was no way i could handle it on top of my cold. sounds wimpy but the pain of it all is just unbearable. i've been grumpy for a long time now because of it and i feel that it is just so not me. i hate not smiling or thinking happy thoughts.

last night i sent a text to the red one saying "why can't i just die already? sick of the pain". i finished it off sounding positive but the thought of just ending it all is not so unwelcome for me then. but here i am still hoping to see more blue skies and enjoy my "life". maybe i really should pray more. at one stage i was angry & begging for the pain to go but that's not the usual way i pray. i should be thankful and accept what i have and instead pray for strength.